22 ideas on how to ruin your training…

training

I have just run away from the worst classroom training ever.

Dear Trainers, if you really want to kill your audience, here’s a bunch of hints on how to do it effectively (randomly selected):

  1. Do not present yourself / act as if everyone knew who you are.
  2. Keep acting as if you knew it all, in the end you, as a trainer, are the expert in all the possible areas.
  3. Absolutely forget about presenting the agenda of the training, why would you bother spending 1 minute out of available 6 hours on informing your audience about the plan.
  4. Keep joking each time the participants take active part in the discussion, laugh at their comments and ideas.
  5. Make numerous breaks, especially when they are least expected (like this, you will make sure your audience is nicely distracted – well done indeed).
  6. Keep bringing up out-of-topic remarks. Completely unrelated items. Chauvinist jokes are highly appreciated. And yes, your private life will surely interest the audience. Especially your relations with this poor mother-in-law.
  7. Choose your favorite participant. The one and only. Address all your questions and comments towards that person. That’s what we call engaging your audience. Or not.
  8. Keep using your awesome favorite word in each awesome sentence you pronounce. That’s really awesome. And you are awesome, too!
  9. Show us your heavy slide deck dripping with looong definitions.
  10. Do not forget to pick the ugliest font ever and make sure it’s hard to be read.
  11. Keep in mind this rule: the MORE the MERRIER! More info, more fonts, more colors, more pictures, more logos…
  12. Read your slides out loud. Back to your audience 🙂
  13. GREAT! Now you just have to forget what you have put on your slides. A good thing to try is to explain that the deck has been prepared by your colleague. Oh, and you can mention that you received it only last night.
  14. You are welcome to paste links into your presentation that do not work offline (did I mention: do not check whether all your equipment works prior to the training?).
  15. Or… open the link on youtube and let the participants wait till the buffering is over. Up to 10 minutes would be actually cool!
  16. Deliver the training while seated. Stability is the key.
  17. Or… walk around the room and let your audience follow you from one corner to another. The best idea would be to walk in circles and scrape the carpet with your shoes giving that annoying noise. It helps to focus on what you’re saying!
  18. Speak quickly! Ignore the audience who do not get what you’re talking about. Time is ticking away and there are so many things to be covered…
  19. Do not use your emotional intelligence.
  20. Forget about being flexible. Do not adjust to changes while you see the need.
  21. Use monotonous voice. There’s no better way to make these people fall asleep. Especially after lunch time.
  22. Expect everyone to be 100% attentive 5 minutes before the end of the workshop / training.

SUCCESS GUARANTEED!!! 🙂

And you? What is your worst experience ever? Wanna share?

Advertisements